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What I wrote before I journalled

I finsiehd a short story yesterday instead of working, and I spent some time today rereading old writing (where did that come from, kind of feelings). Rummaging through folders I found this, from a letter I wrote to a friend some years ago. These days I'd put it on LJ, so I thought 'why not'...

I couldn't wait to tell you about the man I met on the tube coming home.. he was sprawled across two seats and left his arm draped along the back.. because he was reading over my shoulder I thought I'd pop the copy of Boyz (most enlightening, thank you.. what a dreary and self-obsessed rag - like NME without the music) back in my handbag and carry on with Husband Hunting.. god's gift carried on reading over my shoulder and as I turned the page on Bad Sex Is Worse Than No Sex he said 'that's not right you know'. 'Which bit?' I asked him and he explained that even the most unfulfilling shag was obviously better than a bit of self-exploration in his eyes; either that or he has remarkably little experience - 'it doesn't really happen in real life, does it?' so I told him I'd been in situations were I'd wished I'd gone home half an hour earlier.. he looked at the front cover of the book, completely missed the point and asked if I wanted to know what men are really looking for. I must have looked sufficiently fascinated because he explained that you need to get the man by his music - find out what he likes and like that. Apparently Jimi Hendrix or Eric Clapton is the best bet - 'not the Spice Girls, they're sexy babes but they won't last, but Jimi Hendrix will always be around. Or Eric Clapton, yeah - any man, from 16 to erm, 45, he'll like that'

And it got better - after checking that he had another stop to explain to me how to pick up a man, he explained further. 'Most men in London have too many indians, so a chinese would be good. And don't forget the red wine - that gets men horny. Agree with him but don't flatter him too much, so he gets a big head. ' At this point he got off so I was able to give in to giggles without doing myself an injury.. the girl sitting across from us asked if I felt enlightened and I grinned and showed her the cover of the book and she burst out laughing too ;-) He'd very obviously missed who the target audience was!! I haven't laughed so much for weeks!

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
moral_vacuum
23rd Feb, 2005 17:23 (UTC)
Oh. My. God.

There are times I really don't get my own sex, I really don't.
maetang
23rd Feb, 2005 19:17 (UTC)
*rolls eyes*

Not if he were the LAST man on earth!
davesslave
23rd Feb, 2005 20:35 (UTC)
Oh. My. God. I'm glad he was at least entertaining rather than merely annoying.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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